“Ham & Cheddar Panini,” at “Deli-licious.”

If you’re looking for something to make you feel better after losing 40 perfectly good dollars in a slot called the “Amazing Money Machine” at 1am on a tuesday morning, you should probably stick to schadenfreude, or maybe nachos. However, if you’re looking for the genuine casino experience, and the hissing oxygen tanks, stench of failure and loneliness, and pocket of ATM receipts doesn’t quite get you there – the Stockbridge-Munsee band of Mohican Indians now brings you delicious, gas-station-fresh sandwiches. Seemingly pressed with dry heat and the weight of a large, glassy-eyed elderly woman, I suspect this little gamble could be broken back down into its original parts by throwing it up in the air. I gave it a 2, which is the same number of times I (unsuccessfully) attempted to pass it through the bill accepter. ($2.75)

The “grilled cheese and soup” special – american on wheat. Let me start right there. Now, maybe I’m off base here, but I was a little perturbed to discover they’d made my sandwich on wheat bread without asking me. (Don’t misunderstand me – plain old white bread is not my preference…but it IS the standard, like it or not.) This sandwich was tiny and dry, and a ‘kid’s-menu-grilled-cheese’ in every sense. I knew going in that it was nothing special, but still had some expectations. Fortunately, I had chicken dumpling soup to dunk it in – which was actually quite good. I try to be fair when I order sandwiches take-out, (styrofoam is not kind) but it was an eight block drive. I’m not grading on a curve for that. To be fair, I ordered this over the phone without a menu. What I was actually after, was their “deluxe grilled cheese,” which sounds super tasty. (There is hope for redemption!) Had I known it was their $2.84 kids menu grilled cheese, by my very own rules, I wouldn’t have ordered it. This was a disappointing 2/10. It’s important to note, though, my co-worker had their burger and house fries and raved that they were both scrumptious.   ($2.84)

This place is apparently pretty famous for their burgers. That said, it should have come as no surprise when this dreadful thing showed up: hatefully constructed with gaping hole, at least three slices of unmelted american cheese, and all topped off with a sprinkling of grill droppings. Clearly, the kitchen staff does not take kindly to audacious patrons who snub their cheeseburgers. I didn’t actually finish it, but I can say it’s possibly the worst grilled cheese sandwich I’ve ever been served, due largely to the disdain with which it was prepared. I awarded it a shameful 2/10…and am seriously considering writing them and asking that they have the decency to remove it from their menu. To their credit, though, the fries and burgers were, in fact, delicious- evidenced by Kate actually finishing a whole one. ($5.50)

(See below, The Nook gets a piece of my mind.)

The Nook
Attn: Mike Runyon & Ted Casper
492 Hamline Ave S.
St Paul, MN 55116

Re: Grilled Shamrocks Cheese Sandwich

Dear Mike & Ted,

I visited your fine establishment on Saturday the 26th, at the recommendation of friend   who boldly asserted that you guys made the best burgers anywhere. He wasn’t wrong. I enjoyed a bit of one at the end of our meal, and it was effing delicious. That said, a burger wasn’t actually what I ordered. As a longtime lover of grilled cheese sandwiches, I’ve recently made it my mission to scour the earth for the perfect grilled cheese. Adopting a simple 1-10 rating system, and a photoblog to chronicle the process – I’ve devoured many. When I saw one on your menu, I couldn’t help myself. I knew better, but alas.

Knowing that burgers were your specialty, it should have come as no surprise when this dreadful thing showed up: hatefully constructed with a gaping hole, at least three slices of not-quite-melted American cheese, and all topped off with a sprinkling of grill droppings. Clearly, the kitchen staff does not take kindly to audacious patrons who snub your cheeseburgers. I really didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings, and certainly mean no disrespect to local artist Michael Birawer, who allegedly endorses the thing. Now, I didn’t actually finish it, but I can say it’s possibly the worst grilled cheese sandwich I’ve ever been served – due largely to the obvious disdain with which it was prepared. (It scored a 2/10.) To your credit, the fries and burgers were, in fact, absolutely delicious. I’ve never even seen my friend Kate finish a whole cheeseburger.

You’re probably wondering, “So, what’s your point?” I’m glad you asked. As a devoted grilled cheese enthusiast, I cannot stand idly by while an establishment with such obvious principles serves such a sub-par grilled cheese sandwich. What I’m asking is simple: approach it with the same fervor and gusto as you do your burgers. Use more than one kind of cheese, add some garlic, some bacon, make it with three slices of bread, for effs-sake! Or, I beg of you. On behalf of grilled cheese lovers everywhere: remove it from your menu. Please.

Sincerest Regards,

Erin

(Enclosure)