The quest for the perfect grilled cheese sandwich

“The Jalapeno Popper:” Roasted jalapenos, colby, cream cheese, and corn chips on sourdough. This wouldn’t normally be something that would jump off a menu for me – but as I was doing my research, it kept coming up, again and again. I was a little apprehensive about the cream cheese, only because historically, I’ve never really been a fan of hot cream cheese. (i.e. crab rangoons.) However, being that it was such a staple, I felt I had an obligation. It wasn’t bad. I admit, I immediately loved the corn chips. Same as with the “Gabby,” the bread was good and grilling was just right. I really wanted to love it, but ultimately found it to be a little dry. To be fair, I did say “easy on the cream cheese” when I ordered, so that may have been my own doing. Regardless, it definitely needed another cheese to hold it together, probably a processed one. I also probably could have done with less jalapenos, but that’s just personal preference. (My accomplice notes: they [the jalepenos] were making my face “all blotchy.”) In the end, I gave it 6/10….which I admit is a little unfair, as it clearly just wasn’t my thing. It got me to thinking, though: there is serious potential here. Grilled Cheese Grill, if you’re reading this, hear me out: “It’s Nacho Grilled Cheese” sandwich: sharp cheddar, fritos, diced jalepenos, and american / velveeta on artisan bread. Maybe with salsa served on this side. It could be epic. Just sayin. ($5)

“The Gabby:” cheddar, swiss, colby jack, mozzarella, pickles, and potato chips on sourdough. Before I first perused their menu, it would not have occurred to me to put chips on a grilled cheese. That said, the more I thought about it, the more sure I was of how awesome it was going to be. (Further, after the rotten success of the  Husdon’s “Ultimate” experiment,  I’m fighting an urge to put pickles on all of them.) It was the first one I grabbed when our “Fromage a trois” arrived. (Their fun-to-say, three sandwich combo.)  It was fantastically cheesy, and easily the favorite of the three we sampled. Good bread, perfectly grilled and greasy, and the potato chips provided a most-delightful crunch. I awarded it a (delightful) 9/10.   ($5)

The Grilled Cheese Grill, (which opened in spring of 2009,) became a blip on my radar about two months ago, when I first decided I’d be visiting Oregon. Immediately, I began to google, “best grilled cheese in Portland.” Obviously, this popped up first. I was pretty geeked to discover not only was Oregon turning out to be a hotbed for grilled cheese sandwiches, but here was this whole grilled cheese DESTINATION. Grilled cheese served out of an airstream?

School bus dining car?

More than one grilled cheese on the menu?! Insanity. How do I eat ALL of them? After scouring pages of Yelp reviews, and several days of careful thought and consideration, I knew exactly what I wanted. When I landed in Portland at 1:16 PM on Wednesday, it was sunny and beautiful…. and I could think of little but grilled cheese.  When we arrived, I was immediately disapointed to discover they were out of shirts. Fortunately, my disappointment didn’t last that long. Many thanks, Edward. You’re an artist.

(Reviews to follow.)

“The Ultimate Grilled Cheese.” Take note, Denny’s – this is how it’s done: melted cheddar, jack and american cheeses, crispy bacon, and FRIED FUCKING PICKLES on three slices of sourdough. (Mind-grenade, right?) In the interest of full disclosure, fried pickles don’t exactly come standard on this thing…but not only did the waitress not even bat an eye, I’m pretty sure I didn’t even get charged for them. (See “Fried Dilly’s” on Hudson’s appetizer menu.) Well, I won’t keep you in suspense, it was EPIC. Perfectly grilled, soaked in butter, cheeses falling out of it on all four sides….and mmmm pickles. I could only eat half. This was a guilt-inducing 10/10. I might be ruined for the others. ($7.99)

The “grilled cheese and soup” special – american on wheat. Let me start right there. Now, maybe I’m off base here, but I was a little perturbed to discover they’d made my sandwich on wheat bread without asking me. (Don’t misunderstand me – plain old white bread is not my preference…but it IS the standard, like it or not.) This sandwich was tiny and dry, and a ‘kid’s-menu-grilled-cheese’ in every sense. I knew going in that it was nothing special, but still had some expectations. Fortunately, I had chicken dumpling soup to dunk it in – which was actually quite good. I try to be fair when I order sandwiches take-out, (styrofoam is not kind) but it was an eight block drive. I’m not grading on a curve for that. To be fair, I ordered this over the phone without a menu. What I was actually after, was their “deluxe grilled cheese,” which sounds super tasty. (There is hope for redemption!) Had I known it was their $2.84 kids menu grilled cheese, by my very own rules, I wouldn’t have ordered it. This was a disappointing 2/10. It’s important to note, though, my co-worker had their burger and house fries and raved that they were both scrumptious.   ($2.84)

The much anticipated “FRIED CHEESE MELT.”  Four fried mozzarella sticks and melted American cheese grilled between two slices of sourdough bread. I was pretty amped up to eat this thing, especially after all the “bad” press it was getting. (See ‘scapegoating-fitness-crazies’ in the Blogroll.) Who would have thought a reject from the kids menu with 4 mozzerella sticks jammed into it would evoke adjectives like “beyond gross,” and “disturbing?” Really, man. Get a grip. The sandwich was good. TREMENDOUSLY salty, though. The bread was pretty unremarkable, and not really appropriately sized. (There was a fair amount of sandwich with literally nothing in it.) Dare I say, it could have used MORE cheese – but I thought the marinara was a nice touch. I gave it a 7/10. Ultimately, I wouldn’t say it lived up to all the hype, but I did find it a pretty nice value at 4 bucks.

The “Grown-up grilled cheese.” Swiss, provolone, cheddar, and grilled peppers and onions on sourdough. Looked great on paper, but it just didn’t come together. Cheeses were ok, but everything else was really unremarkable. Veggies were still crunchy. I gave it 5/10. (Ok, so it probably didn’t deserve the 5. I may have been swayed by hipness and ultra modern furnishings. That may have been a factor.) ($7)

The “Deluxe Grilled Cheese.” Both the size of the sandwich and proportion of cheese to bread was just about right. It had several kinds of cheese, which is a must for me. Sadly, the grilling was pretty spotty, (barely grilled on one side) and the grilling agent was definitely not butter. Icky after-taste. I rate it a 4/10. ($3.99)